I am experiencing some feelings that my mom calls "just your hormones, it's all normal"....
I am surprised at the love other children have for little ones. One of my new little friends is constantly hugging my tummy and kissing it. She talks to the baby and the other day said "I was listening to your tummy and I heard the baby giggle. The baby will be happy and laugh alot." Such knowledge for a little girl, she's 8. And even though I knew she didn't really hear the baby giggle it made me feel so good for that moment and it brought up so many thoughts...will the baby be happy? Will I be a good mom and make my baby laugh alot? Will our baby be as kind as his/her daddy? Will he/she have the hearts that we do? Will the baby have qualities like Gram even though he/she never got to meet her? Is Gram watching our baby and taking care of us? And on the subject of my Gram, this is so hard to do without her. She was my world, my best friend, my closest confindant and she isn't here now. She won't hold my baby and my baby won't know the woman that everyone loves so much. The feelings that have just come to me are amazing. I know it's so cliche' but I really am just amazed.
But on a negative, I am also very surprised by people who bring up miscarriages. No offense to anyone as I know that I have endo and I know it is probably just out of concern but it crosses my mind too and hearing about it is not what I need. I love my family and I love my friends and I know they love me but that is just not something a pregnant woman wants to hear about. There are so many other worries too. What if our baby has a disease, what if the doctors say "it's mom or the baby?", or the baby has a defective organ...there are sooo many things Cole and I are both concerned about that hearing about them from others is really not ok. It's just sad. And we're so happy right now and so focused on taking care of me and the little bug in my belly that we don't want to hear the negative. I know "Ignorance is bliss" but for just a little while - I want that.
I'm trying to eat more too and that is so...well...hard. I'm not a big eater and now I am trying to eat small meals many times a day. So I'm indulging in trail mix (good protein), water and veggies. I really don't want to end up as a "Fatty McFat Fat" while pregnant. Cole and I are going to walk every morning to get the muscles in good shape and we are focused on healthier eating for both of us. It's tough though - what to eat, what not to eat....geez!!!!
Oh, and 4 more days til we meet our new doctor! I am hoping we get an ultrasound!